Maha's Tell The sTories

Nganggur, booo...!!

2011-11-03T01:02:00.000-07:00

The title is actually serve double purposes, it describes my current situation, as well as described my previous situation, one that I haven't tell yet, since the day I've been graduated. Yup, it's been like..almost a year and a half, I guess?

Many things happened during that times, but let's just focus on the current situation first. I'll share the glimpse of what happened here and there anyway. So, the point is:

Tueteep..NGANGGUR, boo..!!

Ini kerjaan gue yg baru, after gw resign dr kerjaan gw yg sebelumnya, which I had during my graduation day. I worked before at hotel, but then things come up..long stories actually..and then I ended up having this new job at some not really lousy company actually. It's a small company, but there are even a bigger reason, good one, of why I choose this job.

By this far, keliatannya ini bukan pilihan yg salah. I mean, mo nyari dimana lg kerjaan yg gw bs masuk siang keq gini. Yah, bukan siang hari dalam pengertian jam 12 siang bolong yah..tp dengan jam masuk 10 pagi, I think it bring a whole lot of effect. Yg pst for this past few days (yes, I just got in to this job few days ago) gue gk bangun pagi dengan bad mood gr2 kurang tidur, gk pake grasa-grusu jg di pagi hari krn ngejar waktu spy gk telat masuk kantor (demi supaya gk dapet surat teguran karena telat, shit!).

Gk harus ngantri berpuluh-puluh menit juga di halte busway yang pastinya penuh suesaaak di jam masuk kantor, which make me ended up feeling even more miserable and tired than ever. Apalagi klo ngebayangin di sore harinya, again..gue kudu grasa-grusu lagi demi supaya ngejar waktu ke kampus. Yes, a part of my long stories is that now I'm enrolling for Master degree..ehm, in Communication. Woooaaaa, right? Never past in my mind, I just sometime still amazed (and being thankful at the same time) with this fact.

But still, this "greater goodness" cost me more time & energy to spend. So, instead of thinking about where to hang out, gue lbh fokus buat mikir, "When will I get time to do the task?" Or even worse, "When the hell I'll get time to rest" Or it could turn out even worst, "For fuck's sake, I need a break!!"

That's why, in the end of the day..I ended up praying so that I could set myself free from all of this bourdon. And you know? It's like the Genie in those movies, "Your wish, is my command" and yet..it's being fulfilled. One week later, I get the "announcement" from my God damn bitchy boss who actually used up her freakin' valuable time to tell me the "bad news".

Well, of course it doesn't come out as totally bad, knowing that part of it, is something that I wish for: I get the resignation penalty, which do me a lot of fortune to pay the college tuition. And the most funny thing, is that I got my "break-time" in a big way. It took me another 6 months, before I finally land on the new job. Yes, 6 bulan free, boo..! Bener-bener kebayar tuh, walaupun di sisi lain gw jg sempet resah krn cemas belom dpt kerjaan.

But here I am, typing this story in front of the laptop (that serves as my desktop PC, due to the "emergency" situation), in my own desk, doing nothing because I don't (yet) have the task to do. Secara bos gue lg pameran, dan sebagian besar staff juga entah ngilang kemana (ke luar kota, based on my colleague information), jd gue bener2 jobless for this time being. But hey, that's why I got time to type all of these..so, it's good.

Gue jg prefer untuk gk ambil pusing, about my future in this company..coz, I can't imagine how is it going to be, me being with this company. Yg penting gue ada kerjaan, gk nganggur, ada duit masuk tiap bulan, esp. buat bayar kuliah..abis itu, yah liat kemana arah yg bs dituju. B'coz one thing that simply being taught to me during those 6 months of break-time, is that life could somehow become beyond expectation.

For now, kerjaan ini terus terang not yet becoming a pain in the ass for my college, so it is good. Mudah2an sih bs sejalan, sampe nanti gue deket2 mo lulus..hehe.. Tp jgn kebanyakan nganggur keq gini juga, feeling guilty boo...! Klo gw gk banyak guna'na buat company, yg ada kan gk lama gw di-pecat yah, secara kerja gw cm ngabisin listrik, air, tinta printer (demi buat ngprint tugas kampus, haha..), and duit buat bayar gaji gue tiap bulan'na.. So, horeee for now, may I'll get on with it.

Now, musti ngapain yah supaya gk keliatan nganggur banget? Ngerti kyk gini sih okeh sebenernya, keliatan kyk lg sibuk ngerjain sumthing (padahal lg ngemeng di blog, haha..) Td jg ud browsing sana-sini, ampe mata gue suntur. Kerjaan yg kemarin2 dikasih, ud rampung gw kerjain tinggal nunggu approval. Kerjaan kampus gue malah ikut2an bablas gw hajar saking gk da kerjaan. Mau nonton video, koq kesannya paraaaah bgt yah??! Mau baca buku, sayangnya gw lg gk baca buku..padahal klo baca buku kan bisa keliatan sibuk juga (secara kepalanya nunduk gitu, kyk lg kerja..haha..padahal matanya doank yg kerja baca tulisan).

Oh iy, gw jg lg kepikiran buat nerusin..ehm, lebih tepatnya memulai (soalnya kykna gue blom pernah bener-bener start serius gt d) program penambahan berat badan gue. Secara semenjak gue kerja n kul, berat badan gue menurun drastis. And I was thinking that it's about time to take it on to next level, masa sih gk bs nambah beberapa kilo aj. Syarat utama: tidur cukup, makan banyak, gk banyak pikiran, hehe..

Yg paling susah pastinya poin ke-3 lah yah, which become my biggest consideration. Td pagi, during my trip to the office, I've contemplated with my self (sempet yah? sempet laah, klo berangkatnya nyantai gk dikejar setan). Gue ngebandingin masa-masa blom dpt kerjaan, sm skrg waktu gue ud kerja. Ternyata senengnya dapet kerjaan itu cm sebentar yah? Udahan'na gue mulai deh cemas sama ini itu. Penyebab utamanya? Yah my own expectation sih. I began to create the image of my ideal future with this company, how it should or could turn out to be, and then I began to worried, I have fear toward the future. Worried that things might go not so well. But u know what? Things will go unwell, that's for sure. You just don't know when, or how, but it will. But, it doesn't matter..once I look up upon my biggest, my greater purpose. And reflecting my own life, one can just pray that no matter how much turn around being made, that somehow those turns will lead to the destination. Jd, kenapa takut? Ehm, mungkin lebih tepatnya..kenapa dipikirin? Hehe..

NB: barusan gw ke belakang buat refill air, ngelewatin staff lain dr divisi sales yg ternyata..jg gk kalah nganggur. Secara dia Youtube'an boo..!! Haha..tnyata gk cm gw sndiri aj, hihi.. Officially slacking off..!!

Gue LULUS...!!

2010-07-28T05:11:00.000-07:00

Now I Think, "It's OK to walk on my path..."

2010-07-09T23:48:00.000-07:00

Juz now I read the newspaper, and it tells the story about Yuichi Komano. Here’s the headline and the story that I quote from newspaper:

Meski Gagal, Komano Dapat Penghargaan
Yuichi Komano, bek yang penaltinya gagal sehingga Jepang kalah adu penalti dari Paraguay di 16 besar Piala Dunia 2010 pekan lalu, bangga mendapat medali penghargaan dari gubernur kota kelahirannya, Wakayama. “Kami memberi Komano medali agar semua orang tetap memiliki mimpi dan harapan, “ kata Gubernur Wakayama.

My heart tingling when I read the last sentences. “So that the others can still have dreams and hopes…” The message is so strong, so that people would still dare to put their hope high and dare to dream. Cara yang bener2 bijak dalam menyikapi hal buruk, coz based on my opinion it must be really such hard bourdon when he actually failed to score a goal, especially when all the entire Japanese put their hope on him. But in the end, it doesn’t matter…it’s not what people hope for you that was count for. It’s what u expect for yourself, what hope do you have, and how you treat your dream.

No wonder my heart was tingling because, then…I remember how I wannabe bold, big, and beautiful. My sacred lines, the one that represent my desire, about how I look at myself, about what kind of person I want to look at myself. The one that bold, big, and beautiful. Besides, I’m the tiger anyway…I suppose to be big and bold and beautiful…hehe…

Makanya gw salut bgt sm Ricky Martin, waktu dia dengan berani mengumumkan ke seluruh dunia, “Hi, I’m Ricky Martin, and I’m gay” With all the fame and money that he got, why bother? At least he’s got the chance, he proved to the world that even that he’s gay, he’s simply a fine man, and he’s good looking (although he’s not my type, hihi…), and talented, and gifted also. The time will come for me, when I actually have my own chance, the day when I actually dare to tell myself, “Psst, u know what? You’re okay (with a big O and K), you were fine, and you are going to be great.

I might gonna fail...even a lot (well, hopefully not that much fail…for God sake!), but no matter what…may I going to be able to see my failure, like the way of Japanese people saw Komano’s failure. So that I’ll never gonna lose, even a tiny bit within myself. Great…great…Teddies!

That’s why, above all things…I think what’s really count is not about what or how people think or say about you. What really count is about what and how you think about yourself. Itu juga alasan utama, tatkala semua orang di dunia ini lg keranjingan nonton bola (bahkan yg biasanya gk peduli banget soal bola, ikut2an kena euphoria demi keliatan laki), gw malah milih nonton Project Runaway di Fashion TV. Worldcup 2010? I don’t care! It’s soo not me, hehe…yg gw concern plg cuma soundtrack “It’s Time for Africa” yang dinyanyiin sama Shakira doank. Because it’s just me, simply me…that what who I am.

In fact, I think only fool people who actually care and put their entire energy to care about what other people think about them. To willingly try and satisfied other’s expectation. Juz like my Mom, yg baru berapa hari ini berkoar tentang pentingnya menjaga image kita di hadapan keluarga yang laen. Ngomongnya pastilah pk nyindir2 gue gt, secara dia ngomong barengan di hadapan my bother and sister. Dia cerita tentang betapa susahnya keluarga dia dulu, sampe2 dia dpandang sebelah mata sama keluarga yang laen. Now that her and all her sister and brother had become successful, sekonyong2 pandangan semua orang berubah. Klo kata gue, “Halooo, hari gini sp siy yg gk silau liat duit? Sp siy yg doyan susah? Di saat kita jaya, bergelimang harta, posisi bagus, banyak koneksi, pastilah orang akan ngomong yg bagus2 di depan kita (catet: di depan kita low, gk tau di belakang). Semua org jg mau deket klo kita lg makmur, but pliiis…remember those bitter time. Apa “the other” itu peduli sm kita? Ngeliat aj gk sudi, apalagi ngomong yang bagus2. Kita jaya juga dr hasil usaha, jerih payah kita sendiri. Bodoh aj, klo terus kita mencoba mengukur kemakmuran dan keberhasilan kita dari kacamata orang lain.

Kayak yg terjadi sm tante2 gw yg semuanya ud pada sukses itu, tiap kali ada hajatan keluarga…wuiih, it’s just classic: tamu adalah raja. So they put all their effort to serve “the other”, dengan embel2...demi nama baik keluarga. Well, it’s up to my mom (and my brother and sister) if they want to put their live that way. But for me, just like I said before…what u think about yourself is what matter the most. Namanya orang hidup, gk selamanya bisa jaya. Nothing last forever (anicca), akan ada masa dimana bintang kita redup, dan di saat masa itu tiba, kita gk akan punya kuasa buat mengontrol apa yang orang lain pikirkan tentang kita. It’s just out of our control, so rather that wasting time and energy into something that totally unreliable like that, I would better try to fill and live myself at the fullest.

So, again…I’m sorry Mom but I, once again have to cross-path with you. It’s not like, I hate or dishonor you or sumthing, but it’s juz not me. I realize, I’m not perfect, gw bukan yang paling benar. But hopefully I’ll have my own chance to walk on my path, and discover the truth out by myself with my very own way. So, just like the fact that “I think I’m gay” part, you just don’t understand, or maybe u just haven’t yet, but it doesn’t matter, like I said…it’s not my part. She just need to walk her own path, the same way that I do.

I’m not walking all by myself, and it’s not just a sentence. I still remembered clearly, sehari setelah gw ke-gap ama nyokap…di saat gw lg desperate bgt, tiba2 tangan gw ngebuka buku Ajahn Brahm tepat di halaman yg isi tulisannya lg ngebahas tentang homoseksual. One thing that I still remember (and maybe I’m going to, for the rest of my life) is the sentence that described what he said to his audience back then (the book it’s like a journal). He said, “You’re all welcome” That’s it! Gk ada embel2, gk ada syarat, gk ada hujatan atau stigma negative. Kalimat pendek, tapi bener2 menyejukkan hati gw bgt waktu itu.

Itu buku ud gw pegang selama seminggu, dan ud gw baca sambil lalu, because I thought, “Well, everyone seems to talk about him, so I I’ll juz give it a try, and try to read one of his book” And that’s what happened, the right page opened at the right time. Sama seperti tulisan tentang Komano yang gw baca hari ini, yang gk sengaja gw baca karena kebetulan tergeletak di atas kasur gw. Koran yang ud lewat 2 hari yang lalu, yang sebenarnya gk bakal gw baca (not mention the fact that the story was printed in the “sport” section, the page that I always skip), tp toh gw baca gua hari ini. The day when I actually spent the whole day, to watch, breath, and learn about self integrity, about how I want to be…u know, rite? Those sacred line of 3B!

“Thank you” That’s all I want to say, simple, short, but strong enough to represent what comes from the deepest-bottom of my heart. I will be great! Ow, btw…here’s the other thing that Ajahn Brahm said on his book. Katanya di luar sana (he’s Australian), there’s a lot of gay people (and couple) who enjoy their life, and having a good quality of live, including their spiritual side. I remember, how I usually describe it with my own language. I promised (well, at least I’m willing to promise that) this thing. I’m the flower, I promise that I won’t let me turn into a rotten flower. I might have thorn around, but it stills a beautiful flower. I’m still the flower. It’s up to the other, whether they want to stick their finger into my thorn, or enjoy the beauty within their eyes. And in order to do that, I need Me…and yes, don’t forget The Teddies! Blessed be my way…

I Hate My Mom...and I Really Did (Do)

2010-04-13T04:06:00.000-07:00

Sumpeh, gw sebel bgt sm nyokap gw. This time she finally succeeded again in making me angry. I'm the one who have to eat those negative emotions, while she keep on spreading the viruses whenever she talks. I know, i'm the dumb here, since i LET her messed up my mood. But, i juz can't help it...! She's juz so irritating!

Why...for God sake, she juz don't let me be who i truly am. I know, i might not know exactly, and sumtimes i not making good decisions. But parents should let their kids make those decisions for they will eventually live their own life in the future, without you dictating them, or ordering them how to live their own life! There was a time when i actually think that my father was better than my mom, b'coz despite the fact that he kinda dumb and tend to hurt people by the way he expressed his feeling, but to me...he rarely complaint. And that's what i expect most at this very time, for she to juz shut her mouth, and swallow all her thoughts for herself. B'coz i'm juz not hearing you, Ma...!! I really not that into you...

If there's any word i could use to describe her, i will use "munafik" as the strongest word. Kadang gw mikir, she juz want what's best from me, but not what's bad from me. Hell, you juz have to have the full of me, take it, or leave it! Sekarang gini aj, dia bilang gw pesolek, setiap kali gw mulai perawatan muka (entah facial, peeling, dll) dia selalu complaint.
"Cowoq tuh gk kyk gt, tau gk ?" gitu kata dia.
"Sebodo teing lah, mau-mau loe..." dalem hati gue, hehe...
"Gk perlu pake2 peeling segala, kasar dikit gk masalah buat cowok" kata dia lagi
"Ow yeah? Jd cowoq yg mukanya bolong2 itu lebih bagus menurut loe?" batin gw
"Gk us juga pake2 cleansing milk segala, ribet bgt..." kata dia lagi
"Lah gw cocoknya pake cleansing milk! Klo gw jerawatan, emang situ yg ngerasain?"
"Susah amet siy, pake2 facial segala..." sambung dia
"Bacot deh, muka gw berminyak jg kan nurunin gen loe. Buktinya muka u jg berminyak n gampang komedo'an...!" lagi-lagi kata gua dalem hati
"Ngapain siy pake2 masker segala..."
"Astaga, niy masker jg gw beli pk duit gw sendiri. Gw yg tau manfaatnya buat gw, lagian gw pake masker jg di kamar, bukan di tengah jalan?!"
"Cowoq tuw gk us kyk gt..."
"Klo loe segitu paham'na tentang cowoq, gih..silakan loe yang jadi cowoq" umpat gw dalem hati.

Plis deh Mom, gk pernah dgr istilah Metrosexual apa? Hare gene sp siy yg gk mau cakep? Lagian itu muka jg muka gw sendiri, aset gw geetu loow, koq jd situ yg sibuk ngatur? Sekrang klo gw cakep, situ jg kan yg seneng? And that's the fact: tiap kali ada yg muji gw, ato kasi komen positif tentang gw, dia jg yg kesengsem, cengengesan sana sini. Pliiis deeeh... (ud 2x niy gw ngomong pliiis)
Trus lagi, tiap kali dia belanja baju pastilah dia ngajak gue. Tar tanya warna lah, tanya ini cocok apa engga lah, itu matching ato engga, dll. Klo nyalon...gw jg yg milih warna, malah kadang di rmh gw jg yg disuruh nge-cat. Sekarang gantian gw yg nanya, "Emang cowok wajar klo kyk gt?"

Mungkin emang pada dasarnya gw punya sense lebih, menyangkut hal-hal yg indah dan cantik. That's why i had a job and an education related with design. Dan mungkin emang dasarny jg gw punya sisi feminin lebih dominan. Tapi gw jg tau batas, which means...gk mungkin lah gw jalan ke mall pake lingerie?? Ato make make-up tebel kayak dakocan? Ato jalan melambai sambil goyang pinggul? I know my standart, but she doesn't know, so stop messing around mith mine!

Sekarang ini dia sibuk berkoar-koar, suruh gw gemukin badan biar berotot kayak "cowok kebanyakan" Pliss deh Mom, before u came up with that idea, have u ever bother to ask me whether i want it or not? If i would be comfortable with that? Yes, i know...i kinda skinny. Biasanya gw pk istilah slim, tapi semenjak gw kelar dengan kuliah gw yg maha berat, berat badan gw emang turun banyak (stress kalee...!!) jadi sekarang ini emang lbh cocok dibilang kurus. And yes, i already had a plan...to put on more weight (secara gw jg ngeri liat timbangan gw yg turun drastis). That's why i took milk, i bought vitamins, and fish oil, and eaten a lot. Belakangan, my brother asked me to accompany him to the gym. Gw pikir, lumayan jg gw bs pake fasilitas renang spy badan jd kenceng. Asli, niat gw tulus banget bukan buat ngebentuk body kyk Ade Ray..i had my very own plan. Eeh, tiba2 malah dia yg sibuk komen sana-sini,
"Cowok tuh keker dikit lah..." kata dia
"Bacooot... Klo gw keker, yang seneng kan loe, bukan gw..." batin gue niy
"Ambil keq kelas fitness, angkat beban, biar jadi badan loe..." kata dia lg
"Gk tau y, di tempat Gym tuw banyak binan iseng? Situ mau anaknya pulang gk perjaka lagi?!"
"Klo badan loe keker kan jd ada wibawanya..." kata dia
"Prinsip gw, klo ada duit n kedudukan, wibawa akan mengikuti..." kata gua dalem hati
"Drpd sekarang muka loe kyk anak kecil..." sambung dia lagi
"Itu namanya imut, and nobody's ever complaint about that. Besides I'm happy with it" batin gw
"Loe gk usa minder gr2 badan u yg kecil itu" kata emak gw
"Loe kali yg minder? Gw mah PD2 aj bs pdkt sama banyak cowoq keker di luar sana..."

Akhirnya gw malah jd ilfil buat ikut kelas fitnes yang ditawarin adek gw, coz gw pikir: klo gw ikut fitnes tar dia kesenengan, pikirnya gw nurutin maunya dia. Padahal emang niat gw ud tulus bgt dr awal pgn ikut demi kebaikan gw sendiri. Tapi klo gk ikut, rugi jg...masak rencana gw berantakan cm gara2 dia? So i finally decided, "What the heck...i won't let her do any damage anymore to my life. Screw her...i'll do what i think is right to do" Jadi, rasa2ny next week gw bakal start ng-gym ala gw klo gk halangan.

Still, no matter how much i hate her...there's nothing i can do for now. The main reason is b'coz i still live on the same roof with her. Istilahnya ms numpang di rmh orang tua. But that's ok...mudah2an gw jd terpacu, spy gw bs cepet2 mandiri, so i can finally live by my own. Klo ud kyk gt kan, peduli setan sm dia. Kebayang gk siy, klo percakapan di atas itu berlangsung secara frontal, alias gw ikut ngebacot? Yg ada gw bs diusir dr rumah, hehe...which can't be happen, at least for now. Jd, untuk yg satu ini...gw harus bermain cantik, seperti yang selalu diajarkan oleh nenek gw. Sumtimes, in order to get sumthing that u desperately want, u really don't have to do a thing...except to stand still, stay calm, and wait for thw right time to strike. So that's exactly what i'm going to do for now, stand still..

The other reason is...b'coz no matter what, she still my mom. And apart from her selfish part, pasti dia jg mau yg baik bwt gue. The only problem is, she never asked what's good for me... So, maybe one day, i will be able to tell her exactly what's good for me. Then it's all up to her to decide, whether she wants the full of me, or she could juz leave it. I'm sorry, but if you want the best part from me, you also need to take the worst part of me. B'coz that's what exactly i'm doing (or learning to do it) rite now. To accept my self for who i truly am, b'coz in the end it'll be juz me and my life, not someone else's life. And when that time is finally come, i want to be proud of it, really proud of my self..

Veronica Decides to Die

2010-02-01T04:28:00.000-08:00

Today is Monday...i know, it's the day where i'm suppose to be happy and light-weighted. Besides, the fact that i've managed to force (literally..FORCE!!) myself to coped and finished those TGA work, i think i should be grateful and proud of myself at the same time, rite? Don't want to talk much about it...since i still got 2 last weeks to finish with. Until that day...i'll remain speechless about it.
Now, let's talk about this moan-day...hehe... The truth is, i'm not really moan, i didn't complaint actually about this day. I'm free...and nothing i can complaint about being free. I juz feel "less" bcoz i used to go to Vihara, but i didn't go this week. Kinda felt like guilty, hehe.. Lagian, di minggu2 kmrn gw tuw selalu sibuk berjibaku dgn deadline tugas yg kykna gk ada abisnya. I never got a weekend, since i've used them to finished my task. Jadi, begitu dpt hari senggang kyk gini...malah rasanya aneh, and again..feeling guilty. Emang siy, to be honest..ms ada beberapa tgs yg mst gw beresin, but i'm juz not in the mood. Jd mgkn itu jg yg bikin gw feelin' a lil' bit guilty. Hehe, but that's okay...i'll finish it, rite away...i juz need to feel better. And to write, is one of my way to feel better..
Yesterday, during my enjoyable free time at Saturday, i spent my time to watch DVD. Hell yeeaah, those movie that i bought like century ago, which i never managed to watch it b'coz i'm too damn busy and too little too much time. But yes, yesterday i DID watch some of them.

One of the story, the one that made me urge to write...it's about a woman who decided to end up her life. But it's not the thing, the important thing...is the message in the end of the movie. That to become a human, and to have a life...we actually have to have what they call as "life-awareness". Self awareness that I am actually alive rite now, so that we would call everyday as a miracle. One more day to life, one more chance to breathe, one more chance to many opportunities and of also michieves in life. I juz thought...kadang gw sk berasa boring with my life, apalagi klo mikirin hal2 apa aj yg blom gw capai (and entah akan bisa tercapai ato engga). Cm klo misalnya gw bs lebih mensyukuri hidup gw, mungkin gw gk akan terlalu banyak complaint. Soalnya, terkadang hal2 indah dalam hidup bs kita dapet dr hal2 kecil...like, having a little chit n chat with ur trusted fren, sharing stories, eat gud stuff, listen to great music, actually breathing in and out, having a calm nite, hav a good nite sleep, have a very sweet dream (like one i juz had, hihi...)
So, mungkin ms buaaanyak hal-hal yg blom g capai. And masih banyak pula hal-hal yg belum gw kerjakan, dan di sisi yg sama...ms banyak pula hal2 yg wajib gw kerjakan. So, for now...let's juz stick with it. I mean, finish it one by one...like i always say "one step at a time".
Jd klo skrg ini gw ms hrs berjuang sedikit lg dgn TGA gw, sok atuh...kerjakan, finish it...make it well done! And abis itu, klo gw ms punya sejuta rencana...sok atuh, dicoba, dibuat spy mungkin, make it possibble, work it out, and when it actually not workin' yet...embrace ur life once again, then try another way. Jd gk perlu stress kan, u don't need to carry away those bourdon. Emang siy, gw ud gk sabar bgt wants to livin a life hell life Betty Suarez in Ugly Betty. Well, not actually like her of course. Only the part that she's workin' on fashion magazine, and she's got a hot gay co-worker (well, it's actually her enemy actually...hehe), and she's livin in a city, yes...i want it, plus one cozy apartment, wkakakz..

Mungkin yg perlu dicoba adalah saran dr sebuah majalah ato orang y?), yang intinya belajar menyikapi hidup. jd, klo pas mau tidur...bersyukurlah atas satu hari yg ud lewat wheter it's gud or bad, and klo bsk tnyata u ms bgn...then be grateful for it, then live ur life. Maybe, that way...we'll have a less regret in our life.

Two Types of Guy

2009-11-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

I know i suppose to go to sleep, since i've been forced myself today for nothing (spent 8 hours inside the Studio, and not even one draw??) Yes, i'm exhausted...esp. my mind, but maybe by writing sumthing stupid...out of the fucking concept, i might find peace, hehe..
Anyway, yg pgn gw ceritain kali ini, itu tentang cowok (again??) Yah, kykna blog ini emang isinya gk jauh-jauh dr sana. Habiiiis, mo gmn lg dunk? Gk mgkn curhat sm nyokap kan? Bs diusir gw, haha.. Curhat ke temen, musti ati-ati, jadinya ribet, so better write in here aza..
Balik ke topik, 2-3 hr ini gw lg keranjingan sm cowok2 Korea. Well, emang siy dsini lg pada demam Korea, mulai dr DBSK, SuJu, BBF, dan kawan2 sebangsanya. Yah, sebagian emang cakep siy, but u know me laar... Selera gw kan cowoq2 yg Nordic gt, so klo br level Asia mah gw cuek2 aj. Bukan b'arti gk da yg cakep, tp menurut pendapat pribadi gw...cowoq Asia itu tampan'na ada 2 tipe. Yg pertama karena style (this include hair, dress, style, dll. Gk percaya? Cb aj suruh personil DBSK botakin rambut. Paling2 cm 1-2 org yg ms keliatan tampan..) dan tipe yg kedua adalah yg emang bener2 cakep. Cm sayangnya, cowok2 tipe yg ke-2 ini jarang gw temui. Klopun ada, rata2 yg cakep'na aluus, alias manis n sweet kyk gue gt, hihihi.. Males lar gw klo sama yg setipe mah >_<
Tp entah karena gw emang horny, ato lg stress ngadepin gambar TGA, bberapa hari t'akhir ini gw lg kebayang2 muka personil BBF yg namanya...bentar, agak2 ribet niy, klo gk salah: Kim Joon y? Namanya rada2 mirip gt, bingung gw..
But then, belakangan gw sadar klo tnyata di dunia ini gw membagi cowok dalam 2 kubu, yakni: "Cwoq ganteng yg bikin horny", dan kubu yg satu lagi adalah "cowok ganteng yg bikin adem" Maybe it's more simple if i put those in English, like "Hot Guy" and "Nice Guy". The Hot Guy is the type of man I want to ended up in bed, being fucked in my wildest naughty bitchy dream (hihihi...^^), once being fucked, I'll get bored, then leave them without a trace. While the other type, the "Nice Guy" is the type that I want to spend my time with, hang-out, being out to other with, and sumtimes...doesn't make me feel horny all the time.
Nah low, klo gt bs ditarik kesimpulan dunk, bahwa Love and Sex is not the same? Buktinya, gw bs tuw suka ma cowoq, tanpa ada rasa horny...beberapa cowoq, coz mostly i juz feel horny when i liked one, khe..khe..khe.. Tp intinya, gw cm mo bilang klo cinta tuw gk sama dengan sex. Jadi, klo ada yg menyamaratakan sex dengan cinta, mending suru dia ML ama lobang kunci aj. Nah, loow...lecet-lecet deh tuw!
The bottom line is, I'm glad that i can sees and feels the different between falling in love, with falling with love. Maksudnya gini, klo nantinya gw mo cr BF...i already know, that i need to find the "nice guy" not the "hot guy". I'm going to fins someone that could makes me feel secure, instead of make me warm in bed, although i won't say no if i can have both (I mean both type in ONE man, pleease...i'm not a whore u know!)
To end this writing (coz i am feeling better rite now^^), let's get back to my story. Tentang si Kim Joon yg ud bikin gw horny selama 3 hari, baru tadi gw sempet mikir: "If Kim Joon is my "Hot Guy", then whose gonna be my "Nice Guy" There's gotta be someone, rite? In oder to prove my theory about 2 types of man..."
And then i remembered him, the man from long time ago, but still i like him until now. I've found how he looks like this recently in Youtube, but i'm gonna put only some of his pics.

Juz a lil' fact about him, niy cowok umurnya ud mature denk (31, can u imagine? Pasti ud pengalaman bgt di ranjang, maen'na pasti gentle bgt...aaargh, gk nahan!! Heeeeh, mulai deh pelacuran'na keluar *_*), tapi entah knp makin tua jd makin cakep aja (mudah2an gw bs kyk gt, amieen!). Emang siy jd tambah kurus, mungkin krn gk da yg ngurusin (he divorced), klo gt gw aja d yg ngurusin (aiih, maunya deh loooee!). Mudah2an siy bkn krn sakit ato ngobat yah? Ato mungkin operasi? Hehe, klo yg t'akhir gw no comment deh^^

Btw, his name is Takashi Kashiwabara (nice name rite!) Juz to remind me, that i might easily fall in love with a guy (Hey, I'm Libra btw, spare me pliz...), but in the end i always ended up with the right guy.

No fun. no Sex. Have piC. serious Only

2009-09-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

Pertama kali gw ngeliat Headline itu, letaknya ada di profile someone @Manjam. Yg pertama kali terlintas di pikiran gw by the time i read the text was, "Woaa, it's so powerful.." Yup, it did sounds like what i prefer from a guy (cuma perlu tambahan "tampan, tinggi, and educated"), hehe... But the message is so powerful...straight to the point gt.
Tadinya gw ud napsu pgn copy itu text pas di profile gw (sebodo deh mo plagiat), tp belom sempet gw online...gw jd mikir2. Udahannya gw pun jadi malu, hikz... Bukan'na apa, dipikir2 lagi walaupun sebenernya kualitas semacam itulah yg gw cr dr seorang lelaki (plus tambahan yg td ud gw sebut), tapi jujur aj gw lom berani setegas itu. Istilahnya klo ada cowoq yg memenuhi hampir semua kriteria di-atas, but he still want the sex...i think i still want to know him better. Nah..tergoda kan loe?
Maknya gw bilang, gw jd malu...malu karena ternyata gw lemah hati, malu krn ternyata gw gk bs stegas org lain, malu jg karena ternyata gw blom bs menunjukkan kualitas seorang lelaki imut manis sejati. I'm still out of the club, i guess...hikz..
Coz, if u really adore ur'self...pastinya u gk akan ragu2 lar. Klo u yakin sm kualitas diri u sendiri, pastinya u jg gk ragu buat ng-set kualitas calon pasangan u setinggi langit. Dan kualitas itu pastinya termasuk dalam hal urusan badaniah, coz u juz want the relationship, rite?
Nah, skrg perut gw jd mules lagi krn kebanyakn mikir..hihihi...
Intinya, hmm...kykna gw kudu berbenah lagi denk. Really need to set a high standar, coz gk ada gunanya jg to lower your standart, coz it means u'll get sumone lower than ur expectation, rite?
Skrg ini gw lg deket sm 1 cowoq...lets juz call him Leon. Nah, si Leon ini menurut gw ud hampir memenuhi standar lah. Gk jelek (walau gk tampan sekali), proporsional, ud lulus n ud kerja pula, well behave and good manner, Englishnya pun ok, well...not such a bad choice. Cuma masalahnya dr awal dia ud bilang dengan jujur, "i'm looking for a partner, both for sex and relationship.." jreng..jreng..!!
Cm karena waktu itu gw ud kenapsuan (and gw pikir, let's give it a try) yah gw terusss aj kyk jalan tol. Sp sangka tnyata lanjut ampe detik ini...dan sekrang mulai deh gw gundah gulana mikirin hal yg sebenernya gk penting buat dipikirin ini.
Soalnya gini...gw pikir2 (mikir mulu!), soon he will ask to meet (i'm so sure about this, ibaratnya...ud kepegang niy, haha..) Later, if we meet...gw yakin dia gk akan bertahan lebih dari satu putaran, alias will become one date only. Coz gw inget bgt di profile'na dia prnh nulis "Don't want a femme type, i better date with girl then.." Nah, gw siy gk jelas yg dimaksud femme itu yg tipe feminin, ato yg sissy abies. Klo yg dimaksud itu yg pertama, jelas gw gk masuk itungan...coz gw kan tipe2 bot manis yg gk manly2 bgt. Istilahnya, jalan kudu digandeng, pulang kudu dianter, haha... Jd, klo tar kita ketemuan, trus dia ngeliat manner gw yg sweet gt (plus ditambah sweater gw yg imut itu, hahaha...) ud bs ditebak, dia bakal gelagapan trus minta pulang ato pura2 ada urusan.
Hmm, jd sebernya siy gk us dipikir terlalu dalem, i'll juz hav to do the countdown. Yah, artinya this one not gonna work then? Huhu, alamt mst hunting lg dunk..cape gw! Makanya, i think next time i need to really set my standart first. Kyk cowoq yg di Manjam itu tuw... Masalah jodoh datengnya cepet ato lambat, i think it's ok..as long as it's for the best.
Tapi ini pikiran waras gw yg lg berbicara. Gk tau deh hari2 ke-depan'na gmn. Kyk td siang aj, gw lg chat di Mirc (emang salah channel jg kali ye?), pas ketemu sama cowoq pri yg umurnya 19 taon. Yup, berondong..i know, baru lulus smu kykna coz pic'na ada yg msh pake seragam smu. Masalahnya baju seragamnya gk dikancing alias half top-less, hihi.. U know, for some reason...i always get horny klo ngeliat cowoq slim n kenceng pake seragam putih abu-abu. Menurut hasil penyelidikan, hal ini dikarenakan pengaruh dr BF pertama gw yg gw dapet pas SMU kelas 2. Nah, jadi bayang2 cowoq SMU bikin gw jd ke-inget sm mantan gw itu deh. Secara dia jg kan modelnya yg slim n kenceng gt...bodinya yg kenceng maksud gw. Gk tau deh barang'na, secara waktu itu gw ms SMU...lom kepikiran ampe ksana, hehe..
Nah, pas ngeliat pic tuw berondong (yg sebenernya ud gk pantes lg buat gw dr segi umur), otomatis horny lah gw. And u know, it's so easy to get laid with berondong...u juz have to ask, and that's what i've almost done (see!! I didn't do it...i still have brain u know, wkakakz) Yah, dgn berat hati i juz have to say bubye...tp kan sekali ini gw berhasil, kali lain? Gmn klo tergoda lagi, huhu...skrg aja gw lg menyesali nasib.
Yg kyk gini gw suka ks istilah, "Thing u don't want to do but u should do" I do it, no matter how much i hate it, how much i don't want it, bcoz i have to admit that there's a greater goodness beyond. Jd walau terkadang gw ngelakuin dgn hati gondok n setengah ikhlas, pada akhirnya hasilnya pun baik buat gw. So, maybe this is how's life work...u can't always stay on ur comfort zone. Sumtimes u need to make a decision, and it's not always about what u like or what u prefer, it is about sumthing goes beyond than that. Karena gak semua hal tampak di permukaan kan? Ada hal2 yg kita gk akan prnh tau, and i think that's why God gave us the intuition. An ability to talk through urself, and find the answer for almost everything.

Zumi Zumi Zola

2009-07-21T21:08:00.000-07:00

Entah mau gw ks judul apa tulisan gw yg satu ini...biasanya ide bagus bakal muncul belakangan, jd sok atuh...let me juz type.
Hari ini gw bangun tidur horny bgt, hehe...padahal weekend ms jauh, bo! Secara hari ini baru hari Rabu... Dan ini semua gara2 si Cumi-Cumi alias Zumi Zola. Nah low??
Kmrn malem gw kepikiran tentang obrolan ala rumpi with my fren, yang katanya gk bisa tuh doyan sama cowoq pribumi. Bukannya sok rasial atow gmn, itu cm soal selera aj. And buat hal yang satu itu emang udah terbukti benarrr...! Gk peduli tuw cowoq mo seguanteng apaaa jg, tetep aj dia gk da feeling. Secara dia itu fitness di FF, and dia pake Platinum Member yang artinya dia bisa wara-wiri di seluruh pelosok FF. And tempat mangkal dia juga gk tanggung-tanggung, klo gk di Senci ya di GI. Naaah, kebayang dunk lelaki macam apa yang bakal ada dsana?
Tapi reaksi itu anak? BIASA AJ, gitu katanya. Bahkan TP TP sm sesama atao PT'na aj dia gk mau, wuiih...susyah deh klo ud soal selera. Nah, balik lagi ke gue, entah selera gue yang pasaran, ato emang gua yang napsuan. Yg jelas, menurut gw siy, klo cakep ya cakep...gk peduli ras'na...coz menurut gw tiap2 ras punya kelebihan n keunikan sendiri.
And then, otak gw yg liar ini langsung deh nyeleksi beberapa kandidat lelaki Melayu yang sekirany bs bikin gw ser-ser'an...and syukur2 bisa bikin temen gw ikut kesengsem. Dan tiba2 niy entah kenapa gw langsung kebayang si Zumi Zola. Apa karena gw ngidam Zumi-Zumi goreng tepung?? Hehe...

(Apa persamaan Cumi Goreng sm Zumi Zola? Jawab: sama2 bikin gw ngidam, khe khe khe...)

But hey, I'm Libra...so i easily fall in love. Emang siy, dia bs jadi tipe BF ideal gw. Mana cakep, manly but funny, tajir pula, and not too famoous alias gk pasaran, wokeeeh... But still, it's juz my imagination. Mending gw cari BF yang lebih down to earth, alias lebih mungkin untuk dicari.
Besides, misalnya aj nasib mempertemukan kami berdua (cieeee....>_<), and gw dengan segala daya upaya mengeluarkan "Susuk Pemikat Sukma" buat flirting ke dia, siapa yg bisa jamin klo dia itu binan?? Yg ada gw jadi mubazir, pliis d...
Jadi, ya sudahlah...imagination stays on the bed, while the reality stands beside you. Cuma gw tetep penasaran, klo misalnya one day gw jalan sm cowok yg model si Zumi Zola di dpn tmen gw, kira2 apa kata dia?
"Aiiih, koq bisa siy Dee...u jalan sm yg begituan??"
Kyk'na tetep d selera dia gk berubah, hehe...bagus lar, jd kita gk us saingan klo lg hang out bareng, hihihi...

2009-07-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

Hoaaahm...I'm deadly sleepy *_*
Sumpe, nguantuk bgt hari ini...pdhl masih jam 10, b'arti gw baru 3 jam di kantor, and ms ada 5 jam lagi b'fore the office time is over. Hooahm...nguap lg deh gw, saking ngantuk'na (ato saking nganggur'na kalee y??) gw sempet ketiduran for over 15 minutes!! Lucky me, i have my own room, and nobody came in to my room, so gw bisa tidur dengan sukses dan damai, walau cm 15 menit, hehe...

(Kyk gini lar tampang gw...ketiduran dalam posisi duduk, hehe...)

Anyway, tujuan gw kali ini nulis blog bukan untuk membuat karangan naratif tentang betapa ngantuk'na gue. But this thing juz popped inside my head, "Where the hell can I find a guy who's actually nice and yet not craving for sex??" COba deh...

Demi untuk menjaga agar mata gw gk kelelep ditelen nguantuk, makanya tadi pagi2 buta gw ud ready buat OL di MIRC. Cm tiba2 aj, gue berasa malez gitu, coz bukan'na apa...so far yang gw temui, dapati, dan jumpai, di chanel MIRC itu yah ujung2nya cowoq2 yg pgn ML doang. Capaek2 chat panjang lebar, buntut2nya the final question will be "Are u T/B?"
Gk tau d, apa gw yg cupu ato emang gw gk gaul, tapi kayaknya kita butuh istilah baru di luar T?B deh... Soalnya, entah perasaan gw aj mungkin yg sensitif...tiap kali gw ngejawab "I'm bot" rasa2nya gw kayak mengumumkan ke seluruh dunia "hey, i'm bot...i'm ready to get fuck off, calling for all the top..." Hehehe...jijai euy...

So, gw jd miki...mugkin gw musti cr cara lain buat ngGap brg binan-binan lain di luar sana...dengan kata lain, finding the more elegance and healthier way to hook up with another boy.

If u notes, it's been July...so it's been 2 months since the last time i told myself to HANG ON. And yes, i did it...well done! So i've been back to hook up with a couple guys, yet there's no one feels right for me.

So, i was thinking about taking another step...maybe I should try to hang out in groups with another binan. This way, i'll find much ways to gettin' hook up by another man. Bisa jadi malah langsung kopi darat di tempat. Kan seru tuw, heboh...gk ribet pula, gk perlu cemas bakal ketemu sama orang yang berbeda penampakan dengan fotonya. Yeah, what a good idea...but still, there's a risk by doing it.

Hang out in groups, artinya gw akan lbh mudah keliatan, mudah dikenali, and ...apa kata dunia ntar??? Well, no guts no glory sey...but is it worth it? Lagipula, bayangan gue tentang my ideal relationship...itu jauh bgt dari hingar bingar. So, having a semi-discreet relationship, it's what suit for me most.

Terakhir gw ke GI, gw sempet ketemu lots of groups scattered around Blitz. Asal tau aj, kaki gw ud pengen nyosor aj nyamperin salah satu group itu. Secara ada bule disana, one of my favourite type...and he's looking at me constantly. Maybe he's wondering at the same time, wheter i'm aprroachable enough or not since i'm hang out with some of my gals...totally not binan, and totally not know about this. We're juz out for some great dinner and chit-chat, until i found my self...caugh in dilemma.

But once again, tetep akal sehat yang menang. So, instead of giving more attention...terpaksa lar gw cm bisa pura2 gk tau...hikz...hikz... Ilang deh calon BF gw yang baru, reseeh! Tapi kan gk mungkin gw tinggalin temen2 gw, gk mungkin pula gw keep on flirting di depan temen2 gue...yang ada mereka bingung, "Dee...u cacingan y? Kykna gelisah gt dari tadi"

Nah, gk salah dunk kalo sekarang ini...i'm still considering the option to getting out with some groups of binan?! Well, kandidatnya siy ud ada...all i have to do is make a call, then wussh...viva la vegas...we'll be ready for the next Saturday Night.
My hot spot location? I was thinking about Sarinah, GI, EX, and maybe we could ended up in F-Bar or Heaven. Yes, what a plan!!

Dijamin, dalam waktu seminggu inbox gw (baik yg di HP ataupun email) bakal penuh dengan calon-calon BF baru...and this time the selected one (Gileee, PD abis cui?!). Secara gw sendiri kna yg turun ke lapangan buat seleksi cowoq2 itu, hoho...form head to toe...semuanya gw cek langsung, right on the spot.

Duh, dilemaaa...so it's up to me then...to make a wise choice. Should I or shouldn't I? I've analyzed enough I think...both good and bad side. The result? Hmm...ya'll juz have to wait yo!

Hang ON...You're Almost There!!

2009-05-23T01:24:00.000-07:00

Gk terasa ud ampir 1 bulan, since the last time i wrote on this blog...artinya, ud ampir sebulan jg project YearBook gw ud berjalan. And it also means that...almost sebulan pula gw gk hang out during week end...ud sebulan pula gw kerja overtime, sebulan merana, no cinemas, no great food, no chit-chat with frens, intinya ampir sebulan pula gw absen dr hingar bingar kota, hikz...
Let say, film t'akhir yg gw tonton di bioskop...X-Men:Wolverine, huhu...berasanya ud lama bgt!! Well, orang sabar pantantnya lebar, hopefully 2 weeks from now gw ud bs terbebas dr semua ini. Well, not totally free, coz on the next 2 weeks, deadline tgs kampus gw jg ud menunggu. But hey, if i can pass this one, i'll pass the rest!
Yg lebih parah dr semua keluahn no-no gw diatas adalah...no BF?! Ud ampir sebulan pula gw gk copy darat sm lelaki tampan di luar sana. O.M.G!! I know, bs karatan niy gw >_<
Gk da sms, gk da flirting call, pokoknya praktis sebulan ini basiiii bgt!! I dun even chat, nah low..
Tapi y sutra lah...buktinya life still go on, with or without all those stuff. Emang kurang berwarna siy...ibarat baju, jd kurang colorful...but the time will come for me to put more color in life. Sp tau, after i've done with this project...i would suddenly stumble in to a fine, gentle, funny man somewhere out there. Hehehe...ngarep yee...!! Tp sumpe, kemaren gw lg isenk2 browsing pic buat nyari ide tentang Year Book, and tiba-tiba gw dpt gambar ini:

Nah low...lg browsing gambar Year Book koq bs nyasar ke gambar kyk gini?? Nah ya, ketauan niy...tangan sama pikiran gk sejalan, hehehe...
Tp begitu gw ngeliat gambar ini, yg kepikir sama gw tuw:
"Wow, i'm definitely the boy with the dark hair..."
"and it would be very nice to have such a mate like the brown hair boy..."
"Waaah, bodinya slim tp kenceng...favorit gw bgt!! Gk nahaaan..."
And before i get too horny, yang pada akhirnya akan menyebabkan pekerjaan gw terbengkalai...akhirnya buru2 gw save aj tuw picture (on the different folder of course!! We can't mix pleasure with job, can we?) and then get back on track...nyari gambar yg innocent bwt YearBook lagi geetu...hehe
But, honestly...if one day i would have one kind of relationship, i hope it would be that kind of relationship, right juz like the picture.

Yah, mungkn gw cm laper mata doank...secara ud ampir sebulan gk ngeliat lanang. Malah yg lebih parahnya lg, minggu ini tiba2 gw jd kesengsem sm berondong-berondong! Gileee...turun derajad bgt gw! Tp sumpe, mata gw kayaknya butuh pengawas, klo gk tiap ngeliat seragam putih abu-abu gw ud mulai jelalatan. Giliiiingan padi...!
Pelampiasannya...apa boleh buat, apa lagi klo bukan video2 biru yg diperankan oleh twinks...secara mereka kan yg paling mendekati kriteria berondong, hikz... Tobaaaat, God bring me back the old ME please...this job is driving me crazy *_*

Bored over my desk...

2009-04-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

Sumpee...hr ini, atau lbh tepatnya detik ini, gw lg nganggur abiez! Secara, bukan'na gw gk da kerjaan..bena pikiran gw malah ud berat bgt, considering the fact that i hace a DEADLINE on first week of June!! Artinya gw cm punya waktu 1 bulan lagi, to prepare my project! Sialnya lg, sampai hari ni, ms lom jelas percetakan mana yang menang tender. Semestinya, siang ini gw ud nyerahin berkas tender ke Purchasing, tp mood lg gk enak gini...hari Selasa pula, gw jd gk yakin. Sekarang ini siy, gw sibuk mengalihkan pikiran, dengan ber-internet ria (kebetulan tadi pagi kable LAN yg selama ini nganggur ud ditarik ke server, jd koneksi 24 jam sudah tersambung...finally!!) dan membaca buku mengerikan tentang virus Ebola. What an exclusive way to kill the time!!

So, after boring browsing sana-sini, tangan dan pikiran ini mulai tergoda untuk buka situs yang esek-esek...hmm, padahal janjinya kan: "there will be no more xxx, except for the weekend..." Sedangkan hari ini baru hari Selasa?? Duh, lemah banget pertahanan gw...gara-gara ini niy..

Yo wizz laar, situs sudah terlanjur dibuka, buku juga sudah terlanjut dibaca....now what's left is the gloomy feeling, makanya gw kepikiran buat nulis di blog lagi...
Pada dasaranya, seems like i have to put more control of my self...dalam arti, i have to stop being worried!! Okay, this is a big project for me, add the deadline...then it would successfuly blow my mind off... TAPI, cemas dan takut kan gk akan menyelesaikan masalah. Membuang2 waktu dengan browsing gk jelas dan buka situs bokep juga gk akan menyelesaikan masalah (walaupun menyenangkan...hehe). Yang bisa menyelesaikan masalah itu...if you go make an action!

First action is about how to make yourself calm... Believe that this project would turn up succesfull. Dengan begitu, i can get my clear mind stay on my head.
After i got my clear mind back, it's time to put a real action! Which is...secure your way. Artinya gw harus berjuang mendapatkan tender yang terbaik. So far, gw ud dapat sekutu yang wokeh!! Tinggal bagaimana caranya supaya sekutu itu bisa benar2 bersekutu lewat jalur tender. Well, ini bukan KKN...but it's a politic! In order to survive, gw harus secure my path first...so, if there's a way with a less obstacles, why dun't grab it??!

Third action, is to prepare the design...yes, i'm talking about grabbing a piece of paper (wait...maybe a bunch of papers!!), a pencil, and an eraser...then start draw!! Let your hand to the magic...dengan begitu gw ud punya konsep yang ready to go. Dalam minggu2 ini jg kyknya gw harus meeting sama si sekutu, spy gw bs dapet konsep yg jelas about what i should prepare.

Fourth action...setting schedule (ini tulisan'na bener gk siy?), yes, i;m talking about maintain your performances ain college! Haiya, yg satu ini gk boleh lupa kan..esp. minggu ini ada 1 lagi UTS yang harus dikerjakan dengan baik! Semangaaat...!!

Tak disangka, tiba2 datang kerjaan dari divisi PR. Bukan kerjaan sebenernya, coz judulnya gw hanya membantu. But hey...helping people, i might get some a happy feeling after all. Lagian ini jg kerjaan guampang, cm ngedit letter doank... Tp yg penting, after i'm done with this...i was thinking about sending my "berkas tender" to purchasing. Of course, gw mst nunggu berkas tender terakhir yang katanya bakal di-fax jam 1 nanti...reseee!!

Lunch @ Cardamon...then i think

2009-04-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

Kadang klo ud ktmu cogan itu suka jd dilema looh...
Dilemma, whether I should act or juz skip...but sumtimes, some guys are too hard to resist, and sometimes it's even harder to deal with yourself, jd kadang...we do things based on our feeling.
Dan yang terjadi kemudian, dengan nekad'na gw samperin aj tuw waiter Cardamon,
"Mas, blh tau gk umurnya brp?"
"Saya? 24..."
(Ok...sesuai standar gw lar, not too toung not too old)
"Ow, ehm..blh minta nmr telp'na gk?"
(Bodo deh! Paling banter jg dia nolak ngasi nomornya...)
"Oh, boleh..."
(Hah? Gk salah denger? Gampang bgt? Tangan gw ud sibuk ngeluarin HP)
"Berapa, Mas"
(Sumpeh...lg ngapain gw?? Aduh, temen2 gw pst lg ketwa-ketiwi di meja seberang...DAMN!!)
"0219889xxxx, nama saya Erxxx..."
(Koq dia gk nanya siy bwt apaan? Gk curiga gt? Ato jangan-jangan dia tau...?!)
"Ow, ok...makasih ya, Mas!"
(Yeah, it's done! Hohoho...)

Emang siy, gk setiap kali gw ketemu cogan trus gw mintain nomor telp'na... Liat2 sikon lar, feedback dr dia gmn?? Klo emang ada sinyal2 khusus, msk iya gk gw tangkep? haha...
But to be honest...buat yg satu ini gw malah bingung. Okay, i get his number, tp buat apa? I mean, i can't expect anything from him, right? What kind of relationship that I can expect?
Biasa klo tukeran nomor, yang ada gw yg nunggu di-telp. Istilahnya, setelah gw usai menebar pesona, mereka yang terjerat tidak akan lari kemana, haha...
Najiz, kesannya gw kayak penyihir aja!!

Ya gitu d, kyknya siy itu cm dorongan nafsu sesaat aj... Yah, itung2 ngetes, susuk pemikat gw masih ampuh gk, haha.. Cm kadang2 gw emang suka dilema. Trade number, mgkn kesannya simple...but do we really have to? Mksdnya, gk da cara yg lbh elegan gt? But if we do nothing, kayaknya koq sayang bgt... It's hard to find the right man, u know?

Misalnya aj, last weekend...gw pernah msk sendirian (ya eyalah, masa rame2??) di toilet EX, klo gk salah ud jam 9 PM waktu itu, alhasil toilet di lantai 3 itu emang sepi bgt, cm ada 2 orang. Yang satu Om2 gt denk, ud gk masuk itungan d... Yg satu lagi, cowoq oriental kurus tinggi...yang satu ini masuk itungan bgt!! Nah, berhubung gw mo re-touch (secara ud lewat 2 jam, like i said...muka gw yang berminyak ini emang bikin repot!) and rapihin style rambut, jadinya gw spent time cukup lama di WC (Uda biasaaaa, langganan kalee...kata temen-temen gw). Cukup lama, buat nunggu si Om2 keluar, and tinggal tuw cowoq yg lg rapih2 baju n celana (pipis'nya dashyat bgt y?) and me di depan kaca.
Yah, buat Ditto namanya klo matanya gk terlatih. Sekali lirik jg gw tau dia lg liatin gw. Tambah nervous lah gw, berlama-lama di depan kaca. Nah, klo ud kyk gt...dipikir-pikir, "I do have all the time and chance to hook up with the guy" Right? But do i have too?

In my wildest imagination, bisa aj sey gw bilang,
"Ehm...sori...ada yang aneh y? Kayaknya ngeliatin gw mulu?"
(Anjrit, PD bgt!!) Trus kita kenalan denk...
"Rapihin bajunya lama bgt gk slesai-selesai...gw bantuin de, sekalian rapihin celananya"
(Maksudnya biar bs megang-megang body'na...kali aj kepegang G-SPot'na...hehe...)
Trus sambil narik kaosnya ke atas, buat nge-cek perutnya rata ato gk, gw berbisik di telinga si cowoq, "Do you wanna be on top?"

Hahaha...gilingan padi!! Dikit lagi niy cerita ud kyk stensilan yg di situs 17tahun.com aj! Haha..
Yah, namanya jg wildest imagination. Faktanya kan gk kyk gt. Mungkin aj BISA kejadian, klo gw ikutin skenario di atas, tapi kenyataannya gw malah cm diem2an aj. Sampe gw keluar, tuw cowoq baru ikut keluar. Tapi begitu gw ngelewatin pintu WC, detik itu juga gw ud bersumpah, "God, help me to get through this..." and sambil buang nafas, gw celingak-celinguk nyari temen2 gw. Yah, mungkin ini pertanda gw kudu buru2 cari BF, biar mata dan hati jg gk jelalatan, hehe...

Lunch @ Cardamon

2009-04-12T19:35:00.000-07:00

Wuii...the fact that i liked the most, when i hang out around the prestigious Mall is that...there's a plenty of cute guys of there!! Hohoho...
Dalam hal ini, i speak generally...coz gk cm visitornya, but the staff, let's say...for example: the security guy, the waiters, even the OB...sumtimes they're cute enough. Yah, cukuplah buat jd teman fantasi liar di malam hari, hoho...^^
Jangan salahkan daku kalau ternyata waiter di Cardamaon bs bikin gw kepincut, haha... Mungkin sesuai dengan motto'na..."all u can eat" maybe it's include the waiter, haha...
Sumpe, tadinya gw gk punya niat apa2...juz want to have a fine lunch with my frens. Tapi siapa sangka klo ternyata meja kita bakal kedapetan waiter tampan? Yah, gk setampan model2 di Fashion TV siy, secara dia produk lokal gt. But he's quite tall...and he's got the perfect skin!
Tau drmn, mang gw bawa2 mikroskop? Hehe...gk laar, cm kebetulan kita duduk di seat yg sofa di pojokan, right in front of the big window yang view'na ke arah kota. So, berhubung kita makan di siang hari...otomatis cahaya'na kan kenceng bgt tuw. Nah, otomatis muka waiter itu kan kesorot langsung, and yes...kulitnya asli perfect bgt, gk da noda, jerawat, ato bekas luka, gk berminyak pula kyk muka gw yang tiap 2 jam sekali mst di-lap..hikz ~_~
Yg bikin gw kesengsem?? Hmm...i dun know. Maybe awalnya gw cm simpati, secara temen2 gw yg makannya kyk kuli itu (oops, sorrey guyz..hehe) ribet bgt makanya. Jd tuw waiter sukses juga bolak-balik service meja kita.
Makanya pas free flow kita ud pd abiz, and tu waiter dateng bwt nawarin refill..dgn manisnya gw blg "gk usah, makasih..." mksdnya biar dia gk us repot bolak balik ngambil refill. Toh gw bs nebeng dari gelas laen, hehe...
Eh, gk taunya tuw waiter malah blg, "Ehm, mungkin mau coba es-krimnya? Kalo mau bisa saya ambilkan..." Aiih, so sweet...ada cogan yg nawarin es-krim, haha...
Alhasil, waktu tmn2 gw pd balik dari perburuan makanan di meja buffe, n mereka ngeliat gw lg megang2 es-krim, bertanya-tanya'lah mereka, "Dee, dapet drmn tuw?"
"What? Oh, ini...biasa lar, td waiternya lg bagi2 bagi es-krim buat tamu-tamu yang maniz" Wkakaks...