Sumpeh, gw sebel bgt sm nyokap gw. This time she finally succeeded again in making me angry. I'm the one who have to eat those negative emotions, while she keep on spreading the viruses whenever she talks. I know, i'm the dumb here, since i LET her messed up my mood. But, i juz can't help it...! She's juz so irritating!
Why...for God sake, she juz don't let me be who i truly am. I know, i might not know exactly, and sumtimes i not making good decisions. But parents should let their kids make those decisions for they will eventually live their own life in the future, without you dictating them, or ordering them how to live their own life! There was a time when i actually think that my father was better than my mom, b'coz despite the fact that he kinda dumb and tend to hurt people by the way he expressed his feeling, but to me...he rarely complaint. And that's what i expect most at this very time, for she to juz shut her mouth, and swallow all her thoughts for herself. B'coz i'm juz not hearing you, Ma...!! I really not that into you...
If there's any word i could use to describe her, i will use "munafik" as the strongest word. Kadang gw mikir, she juz want what's best from me, but not what's bad from me. Hell, you juz have to have the full of me, take it, or leave it! Sekarang gini aj, dia bilang gw pesolek, setiap kali gw mulai perawatan muka (entah facial, peeling, dll) dia selalu complaint.
"Cowoq tuh gk kyk gt, tau gk ?" gitu kata dia.
"Sebodo teing lah, mau-mau loe..." dalem hati gue, hehe...
"Gk perlu pake2 peeling segala, kasar dikit gk masalah buat cowok" kata dia lagi
"Ow yeah? Jd cowoq yg mukanya bolong2 itu lebih bagus menurut loe?" batin gw
"Gk us juga pake2 cleansing milk segala, ribet bgt..." kata dia lagi
"Lah gw cocoknya pake cleansing milk! Klo gw jerawatan, emang situ yg ngerasain?"
"Susah amet siy, pake2 facial segala..." sambung dia
"Bacot deh, muka gw berminyak jg kan nurunin gen loe. Buktinya muka u jg berminyak n gampang komedo'an...!" lagi-lagi kata gua dalem hati
"Ngapain siy pake2 masker segala..."
"Astaga, niy masker jg gw beli pk duit gw sendiri. Gw yg tau manfaatnya buat gw, lagian gw pake masker jg di kamar, bukan di tengah jalan?!"
"Cowoq tuw gk us kyk gt..."
"Klo loe segitu paham'na tentang cowoq, gih..silakan loe yang jadi cowoq" umpat gw dalem hati.
Plis deh Mom, gk pernah dgr istilah Metrosexual apa? Hare gene sp siy yg gk mau cakep? Lagian itu muka jg muka gw sendiri, aset gw geetu loow, koq jd situ yg sibuk ngatur? Sekrang klo gw cakep, situ jg kan yg seneng? And that's the fact: tiap kali ada yg muji gw, ato kasi komen positif tentang gw, dia jg yg kesengsem, cengengesan sana sini. Pliiis deeeh... (ud 2x niy gw ngomong pliiis)
Trus lagi, tiap kali dia belanja baju pastilah dia ngajak gue. Tar tanya warna lah, tanya ini cocok apa engga lah, itu matching ato engga, dll. Klo nyalon...gw jg yg milih warna, malah kadang di rmh gw jg yg disuruh nge-cat. Sekarang gantian gw yg nanya, "Emang cowok wajar klo kyk gt?"
Mungkin emang pada dasarnya gw punya sense lebih, menyangkut hal-hal yg indah dan cantik. That's why i had a job and an education related with design. Dan mungkin emang dasarny jg gw punya sisi feminin lebih dominan. Tapi gw jg tau batas, which means...gk mungkin lah gw jalan ke mall pake lingerie?? Ato make make-up tebel kayak dakocan? Ato jalan melambai sambil goyang pinggul? I know my standart, but she doesn't know, so stop messing around mith mine!
Sekarang ini dia sibuk berkoar-koar, suruh gw gemukin badan biar berotot kayak "cowok kebanyakan" Pliss deh Mom, before u came up with that idea, have u ever bother to ask me whether i want it or not? If i would be comfortable with that? Yes, i know...i kinda skinny. Biasanya gw pk istilah slim, tapi semenjak gw kelar dengan kuliah gw yg maha berat, berat badan gw emang turun banyak (stress kalee...!!) jadi sekarang ini emang lbh cocok dibilang kurus. And yes, i already had a plan...to put on more weight (secara gw jg ngeri liat timbangan gw yg turun drastis). That's why i took milk, i bought vitamins, and fish oil, and eaten a lot. Belakangan, my brother asked me to accompany him to the gym. Gw pikir, lumayan jg gw bs pake fasilitas renang spy badan jd kenceng. Asli, niat gw tulus banget bukan buat ngebentuk body kyk Ade Ray..i had my very own plan. Eeh, tiba2 malah dia yg sibuk komen sana-sini,
"Cowok tuh keker dikit lah..." kata dia
"Bacooot... Klo gw keker, yang seneng kan loe, bukan gw..." batin gue niy
"Ambil keq kelas fitness, angkat beban, biar jadi badan loe..." kata dia lg
"Gk tau y, di tempat Gym tuw banyak binan iseng? Situ mau anaknya pulang gk perjaka lagi?!"
"Klo badan loe keker kan jd ada wibawanya..." kata dia
"Prinsip gw, klo ada duit n kedudukan, wibawa akan mengikuti..." kata gua dalem hati
"Drpd sekarang muka loe kyk anak kecil..." sambung dia lagi
"Itu namanya imut, and nobody's ever complaint about that. Besides I'm happy with it" batin gw
"Loe gk usa minder gr2 badan u yg kecil itu" kata emak gw
"Loe kali yg minder? Gw mah PD2 aj bs pdkt sama banyak cowoq keker di luar sana..."
Akhirnya gw malah jd ilfil buat ikut kelas fitnes yang ditawarin adek gw, coz gw pikir: klo gw ikut fitnes tar dia kesenengan, pikirnya gw nurutin maunya dia. Padahal emang niat gw ud tulus bgt dr awal pgn ikut demi kebaikan gw sendiri. Tapi klo gk ikut, rugi jg...masak rencana gw berantakan cm gara2 dia? So i finally decided, "What the heck...i won't let her do any damage anymore to my life. Screw her...i'll do what i think is right to do" Jadi, rasa2ny next week gw bakal start ng-gym ala gw klo gk halangan.
Still, no matter how much i hate her...there's nothing i can do for now. The main reason is b'coz i still live on the same roof with her. Istilahnya ms numpang di rmh orang tua. But that's ok...mudah2an gw jd terpacu, spy gw bs cepet2 mandiri, so i can finally live by my own. Klo ud kyk gt kan, peduli setan sm dia. Kebayang gk siy, klo percakapan di atas itu berlangsung secara frontal, alias gw ikut ngebacot? Yg ada gw bs diusir dr rumah, hehe...which can't be happen, at least for now. Jd, untuk yg satu ini...gw harus bermain cantik, seperti yang selalu diajarkan oleh nenek gw. Sumtimes, in order to get sumthing that u desperately want, u really don't have to do a thing...except to stand still, stay calm, and wait for thw right time to strike. So that's exactly what i'm going to do for now, stand still..
The other reason is...b'coz no matter what, she still my mom. And apart from her selfish part, pasti dia jg mau yg baik bwt gue. The only problem is, she never asked what's good for me... So, maybe one day, i will be able to tell her exactly what's good for me. Then it's all up to her to decide, whether she wants the full of me, or she could juz leave it. I'm sorry, but if you want the best part from me, you also need to take the worst part of me. B'coz that's what exactly i'm doing (or learning to do it) rite now. To accept my self for who i truly am, b'coz in the end it'll be juz me and my life, not someone else's life. And when that time is finally come, i want to be proud of it, really proud of my self..
i feel the same in quiet different way..
BalasHapusshe's not having fun with her marriage with dad * i tell her just split up, what the big deal or have separate life. she make her own kid feel small, criticizing them. She just so mean with her words sometime, she just don't realize it. I've been quite a rebel, i speak harsh if she speak harsh, i say nice thing if she said nice thing
well, i love her but i can't stand her. I've been her nanny since i kindergarten until now. she just not so immature.
one thing I've learn up until now is that, we can't hope people to change. WE need to change, for all the better reason. These days, I choose to withdraw myself and speak nothing whenever she speaks sharply. It doesn't stop her, but it did safe me from being annoyed, or loose my temper, or feeling guilty afterward. The most important thing, it teaches me to become tougher, b'coz the more she said things, the more I believe that I'm awfully better that she thought.
BalasHapusI wasn't know your situation, but what I do know is that we both loves our Mom, and better yet we love ourselves. So whenever she speaks harsh, I'll counter the harness by cultivating something good about me. I talk good through myself, and I believe in it. It safe me, and it might safe her for being hurt instead.